I Think

Sometimes I feel that when I am real still and allowed my mind to come to a quiet place. I can feel myself riding inside the currents flow wild, everything around me is moving at a unattainable pace. As I watch humanity flying by on the currents rage, with their feet not able to stay on the ground, defying gravities pull. Holding on with clinched teeth and by one rubber band arm. Damn, man I weaken for just a second and the noise is back in, Hold on. Author- C. Bazem

Dear

Dear,
Lately I feel that there has been the need to make some changes in our relationship.  I feel that you are way to dependent upon me for things and that you do not give the significant others in your life a chance to step up and to prove themselves.  I know that this may sound kind of harsh but I feel that it is time for me to break away and to step out on to my own.  I know that you knew that this day would come eventually, and I know that it tears you to pieces on the inside, but I think that it is time.
As I step out onto my own I want you to know that I will always be there for you no matter what, but there will be times when I need to go out and find things for myself.  I need to know what it is like to fail, and I need to know what it is like to pick myself up.  I know that it will break your heart to see me fall but it is all part of growwing up.  I want you to know that I love you, and that my success is your success.  Until I write to you again.
                                                      Love,

It is okay to dare to dream

It is okay to dare to dream…..

The one thing that I often hear people say is that they wished that they could of done this or could have done that, or if only.  Many people go through life living with regrets on what they could have done, and they think of what would have happened if they had done things differently.  Then there is the bucket list, but what happens if someone leaves this world before everything is crossed off of their bucket list.  That leaves me wondering does that mean that they left this world not living life to the fullest or did they do the best they could with what they had.  Recently at world I have been reading a book to the children during story time called, “Farther, by Grahame Baker-Smith,” is about a little boy who sees the dream that his father has.  In this book the little boy talks about how everyday his father would dream of flying and how everyday he would work on building his airplane bit by bit and piece by piece, until the day that he was called away to serve his country.  That airplane was left undone, and when the little boy was grown he remembered the dream that his father had.  He went out and finished building what his father started, and then the day came when he was able to fly. At the end of the of the book, the boy who now was grown and had a son of his own wondered if the dream that his father had would ever speak to his son.  I love the picture at the end of the book where the grandson is gazing up at the moon and there is an image of his grandfather smiling down on him.  The other day when I read the book to the children, I told them that their parents had hopes and dreams for what they wanted them to become.  Which brings me to this thought; I often wonder if we could have a conversation with our ancestors right now what would they say to us? What advice would they have for us? And what lessons from the past could we learn from and utilize in our lives today?  What dreams do you have for you and your posterity? Your hopes and dreams will come true, even if they are fulfilled in generations to come.

Thoughts on Patriotism

When Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave his, "I Have A Dream," speech, I don't think that the world would have forseen that nearly five decades later we would have our first elected African-American President of the United States of America.  For many people especially minorities this was seen as a huge victory, and a renewed sense of better days to come.  What people didn't realize that the President would face an extensive amount of resistance and opposition not only from his colleauges but also from many Americans.  It is amazing to see  how much hate is spread through social networking sights such as Facebook.  It seems like we as an American people have forgotten what is means to be great.  We have forgotten about the blood that has been spilt so that we can have all of the freedoms that we all enjoy.  As an American I am proud to say that I have four vetrans in my family.  Two of them fought on foreign soil so that we could be free.  The two vetrans in my life who served during times of war and put their lives on the line make me proud to be an American. 
So lets fast forward to 2013 and think about what is happening.  We have men and women fighting in a war that seems to never end.  The body count is steadily rising on both sides of the spectrum.  Men and women are coming home and many suffer because of the things that they have heard and seen.  While our military continues to fight the fight on foreign soil the battle rages on here on the homefront.  It seems as if everyone is feeling the need to find a bandwagon to jump on even if they have no idea what is going on.  Gor example HealthCare Reform.  I am an American who struggles, and if it wasn't for family then I would be sleeping on the streets.  Because of HealthCare Reform I am able to have some medical coverage so that I can have a primary care doctor, and the medication that I need so that my seizures do not happen.  My parents have been there when I have had seizures, and they have done what they needed to do so that I would not injure myself.  My mother has made the ultimate sacrifice and payed a medical debt that I would have nevr been able to afford.  I hope that one day I can have the ability to pay her back in full.  She did not have to do what she did, but I am eternally grateful for her.  I remember hearing my father say how helpless he felt while I was having a seizure.  He stayed by my side so that I wouldn't hurt myself.  To take away HealthCare Reform is to tell me that I don't deserve to have a primary care doctor and that I don't deserve to have the medication that keeps me from having seizures.  I want you to picture me laying on the floor having a full blown seizure.  I want you to put yourself in my fathers' shoes.  Now maybe you will get my point.  Everybody deserves Health Care, and I mean everybody.
The next issue is gun control.  First of all is our constitutional right to have and bear arms.  But where in that does it say that we have the right to own AK-47's and other assalt rifles that people are going out and filling their gun cabinets with.  Those weapons do not belong in the hands of anyone other than our military who are defending our freedoms.  Stricter gun laws need to be put in place so that things are more regulated when it comes to the buying and selling of guns.  That is all I will say on that.
As an American people we need to support the President and not bash him.  We have a country that is divided by two simple words- Democrat and Republican.  These two words have divided families.  I think that if I were to take a secret poll within my own family there would be a huge division, and I hope that were to never happen.  We as a people need to unite as one.  If you have not noticed people from other nations are pouring into this country because they want what we already have, The American Dream.  We are so blessed to be here in this great country, where we have freedoms that others can only dream about.
I am proud to be be an African-American woman.  I am the daughter of a white mother and black father.  I am proud of the heritage that I was blessed with.  Yes there who kids who did not understand why I was a different color than my mother, but I didn't care.  I am honored to say that I had the opportunity to learn about other cultures when my mom married my step-father.  I am a very culturally diversified woman.  I am proud to say that I am the grand-daughter of two vetrans who fought on foreign soil, so that I could be free.  I am so grateful for those who paved the way so that I could enjoy the freedoms that I have today.  When I bleed, I bleed red just like you.

A Parent's Love....

I tend to think a lot about lots of different things, and why things happen a certain way, or go in the direction that they do.  I want to tell you a story today, to illustrate something that I feel is important to say.  I want to tell you a story about a beautiful woman, she had a wonderful life, but in spite of that she was a bit of a rebel at times, not that she was bad it was that she would test the water as a youth.  When she went to college she went to a school that was close to home, so she was able to live at home.  As she was attending school, while going to the library she took notice of a rather handsome buff looking man. He was an athlete, and he had a sort of arrogance that she found to be rather attractive.  While most people shake hands when introducing themselves, she hugged him when he formall introduced himself to her.  They talked, hung out, dated, and talked some more, and they decided to move in together.  Before I go on in farther I left out one detail this woman was raised in a Christian home, so what she was doing was contrary to what she was taught.  This couple had a perfect life as so it seemed.  This woman was so consumed in her relationship that she forgot about her family especially her parents, they tried to call her but she was always busy.  Her father tried to reach out to her, but this woman did not want him meddling because she felt like she was grown.  Somewhere between the lines she forgot that he was the one who had carried her on numerous occasions when she was unable to walk due to an illness that she had.  He had been the one to wake up during the night to carry her to the bathroom and then he would sit up and wait then carry her back to her bed so that she would not have to crawl and scoot her way back.  The woman's boyfriend became rather bothered by the fact that his girlfriend was not paying any attention to family and he began to feel some of the heat for what she was doing.  This created tension between them.  He began to go out and party again, and he felt like he could  do whatever he wanted to do.  The woman found herself on her parents doorstep crying, in a way she felt like the prodigal son, she found herself begging for their forgiveness.  The tension between the man and the woman erupted and he ended up leaving, and she found herself boroken hearted.  They each dealt with the break up differently.  She cried herself sick everyday, and he went out and did things that were self destructive. They both moved on and she was able to find happiness, and he.......never did find true happiness.

I use this analogy because there are parents out there who have children who either have gone through this or are going through this.  I think that if I was a parent I would have the hardest time sitting back on the sidelines I would want to be right in the middle and intervening.  I think that parents will do anything for their children even if it means dying for them.  There is always this notion that father's are extremely overprotective and that sometimes they can be to smothering especially when it comes to their daughters.  I think that no man out there would want to see his daughter in a relationship that is destructive.  I think that there are many father's out there who would be willing to take a beating to defend his child if they were in a relationship that was destructive.  Not to leave out the mother's but I think that they are protective in a different way.  When a mother see's her child in destructive relationship her heart hurts and yearns to be by the side of that child.  Her nights are sleepless and she often finds herself on her knees praying for the safety of that child.  As children we forget that parent's have made a commitment to love and take care of us.  We often complain when they seem to smothering and at times we look at them as old fashioned.  But I must say there is a father out there who loved his daughter so much that he was willing to put himself into the line of fire because he took the commitment that he made to love and to protect her seriously.  He loved and protected not only his wife but each of his children.  To see her struggling, and emotionally hurting was hard for him, because there was nothing that he could do to ease her pain, the only thing that he could do was to stand there with his arms outstretched to her, all she had to do was to get of her pride horse and to humble herself.  I think that is how God is.  We often times make mistakes and we find ourselves hitting rock bottom and it seems like there is no way out.  It is only after when we humble ourselves and ask for fogiveness that we find a loving and merciful God with arms outstretched waiting for us.  Just as God's love is never ending the love of a parent is never-ending.

A Different Kind of Christmas

Every year for the past several years I have gone back home to Idaho for Christmas to spend the holidays with my mom and dad and my sister and it is always something that I look forward to, but this year was the first year in awhile that I stayed home in California.  In reflecting upon that it felt kind of bittersweet in a way, but I can truly say that I had a wonderful Christmas.  As I prepared for the holiday season I found ways to bring Christmas into my home and into my life.  The first thing that I did was to participate in the singing of Handel's Messiah.  If anyone has heard or sung those magnificent choral pieces you know how wonderful they are.  If you have not heard them before I recommend that you look up Handel's Messiah online and enjoy this wonderful oratorio for yourself.  The next thing I did was to bring holiday cheer into my home was to make it feel like Christmas, I found a small tree and I added some holly and ivy.  Since I was staying put I found myself in a baking mood.  I made cookies, cakes, and chocolate, and I had so much fun especially when I had my music going.  I found myself establishing my own traditions, yet finding time to remember many of the wonderful Christmas's that I have had throughout the years. Christmas Eve was spent with my extended family, and I must say that it was so wonderful to be there with them.  As long as I could remember my family has always gotten together on Christmas Eve and even after families had moved, children have grown up the tradition still carries on.  There may not be as many people as there once was but it always is the same.  And oh I must add, I actually had fun singing Karaoke, at first I didn't want to but by golly it was so much fun.  Christmas Day was spent at home.  I was able to cook a turkey with all the trimmings, and when I cook my turkey I cook it the same way that my mother has always cooked hers.  I think what made my day was hearing my father tell me that I I cook a really good turkey and I think for me that was the icing on the cake.  I found time for quiet reflection that day and Christmas was not about things or the haves and have not's but it was about what was most important to me which is family.  People today are so consumed with materialistic things and ideals and they forget what really matters most in life.  Material things fade away but family never dies.

Photos from December 2011

Christmas 2012

(This is me singing karoke. I am actually having fun.)

 

 

 



Online dating- Is it Good or Bad?

I often wonder at times why so many people get caught up in the world of online dating, and how so many people  are willing to take the risk to meet someone while knowing in the back of their minds that things might not be as good as they may seem.  There is a show that I watch that deals with just that issue, and in a way I always feel bad for the people involved but also in a way I don't.  The reason I am so passion about this subject is because I once was a victim of online dating, and I almost left the United States to marry a guy in whom I thought I was madly in love with.  You see I had met this guy on a legitimate dating website, and so I thought that everything would be safe.  It seemed so good to be true.  I was young and I was so desparate to be married and to have kids.  Isn't that what every girl wants.  Doesn't every girl picture herself in that fairytale wedding gown, and doesn't she picture her father walking her down the aisle with her prince charming waiting for her at the alter.  I was sure that this guy was to be my prince charming.  We e-mailed each other every day and we also talked on the phone frequently.  The only problem was that he lived in Nigeria, and so how was he going to come to the United States.  Well the solution was for me to go to where he was right? It sounded good, but in reality it probably was not the best thing to do.  The amazing thing was that even though I had people in my life who were so supportive I knew that they were hoping and praying that I did not make the unwise decision to go.  Then it happened red flag number one.  On one occasion when this guy had called my father answered the phone.  He was very rude to him and refused to speak to him, he just demanded to speak to me.  Obviously this guy had other intentions in mind, and maybe he was afraid that my father would catch on to him, and in that case the light would turn on in my mind and then it would be over right.  The next red flag was that over a period of several weeks when I called the cousin of this guy answered.  There it was plain as day, there was a possibility that this guy was trying to set me up with his cousin.  There also was other realities that I was made aware of, such as being used a sex slave.  It was after much thought that I made the decision to cut ties with this person.  The crazy thing that it has been years later and I still remember the name of this guy, and I can't help fathom to think of what my life would have been like if I had left tthis country to marry this guy. 
I know that there are people out there who have gone through a similar experience and I know that there are parents who have a child who has been a victim of an online dating scam or has married someone they met online and it has not been picture perfect like they thought it was going to be.  It is to those parents who have a child who married someone they met online and has a not so picture perfect marriage in whom I want to speak to.  As a mother or father I know that it is extremely hard to watch your child go through the experience that they are having.  The first thing that you need to know is that your child knew what they were doing and that they honestly believed everything they heard and saw via the computer and or skype/telephone.  They allowed themselves to, "fall in love," so fast that they could prove to everyone especially you that things would work and that everything would be just fine.  They didn't want you to worry or to be afraid so they left out details that would concern you, and they only told you what you wanted to hear.  While what I am saying is harsh often times this is the case.  Maybe you got lucky to meet the person that they were dating at least once, in hopes that your fears and concerns would be laid to rest.  You see they wanted you to be happy for them, and in knowing that you were happy they were happy.  Now they are married and now what things are not as picture perfect as they seemed to be, and your hands are tied, and you want to help them but you know if you do then things will become much worse than they are.  I hate to say this but your child chose to marry the person they met online, they must choose whether or not to leave.  Your child is an adult, I know that is harsh.  You can support them and be there for them, but the decision to leave is up to them. 
Now for the indiviuals who are stuck in these marriages, if things are not working out then end it.  I feel that it is much better to end it that to be miserable and unhappy.  There are other things that I would say but I fear if I do there are people out there who will suffer because of what I say.  So with that being said I will leave things as they are.